CAMBRIDGE—In a cosmic curveball that could make even a black hole blush, a recently unearthed journal entry from Stephen Hawking reveals that his 2009 time traveler party wasn’t the quirky dud everyone thought—it was a raging interdimensional bash packed with chrono-tourists from across the ages. The late physicist, speaking through a mysterious “quantum diary” leak, claims he’s now pals with a futuristic Elon Musk clone from 3050. Anchored by the sliver of truth that Hawking really did host a time traveler party, this tale’s wilder than a wormhole rave.

The Interstellar Soirée

According to the leaked journal, scribbled in Hawking’s signature wit and posted anonymously online, the party at Cambridge drew a motley crew of time-jumpers: a Viking physicist wielding a quantum axe, a 27th-century influencer with a hoverboard, and a self-proclaimed “Elon Musk XXIV” who arrived in a Tesla TimePod. “My invite said ‘time travelers only,’ and they delivered!” Hawking wrote. “We sipped cosmic fizz, debated multiverse theory, and prank-called Schrödinger in 1935.”

The setup was pure chaos. Held in a secret Cambridge lab disguised as a lecture hall, the party featured a “chrono-karaoke” machine that let guests sing hits from 2080 and a buffet of “pan-temporal snacks” (think dodo wings and synthetic space tacos). Hawking claims he kept it hush-hush to avoid “timeline drama,” but the real reason? He didn’t want “boring 21st-century skeptics” crashing his vibe. His new BFF, Future Elon, reportedly gifted him a “chrono-chip” that lets his consciousness surf alternate realities.

Timey-Wimey Tantrums

The leak sent shockwaves through the science community. Physicists are split: some call it proof of time travel, others a clever Hawking prank from beyond the grave. Online, fans are losing it, with #HawkingParty trending alongside AI-generated images of Hawking breakdancing with a cyborg Galileo. One user posted, “I asked my AI assistant about time travel, and it said Hawking’s booked for a 3025 TED Talk!” Meanwhile, a rogue futurist claimed they crashed the party and saw Hawking “solve dark energy with a napkin and a laser pointer.”

Skeptics aren’t convinced, with one professor sniping, “If Hawking met time travelers, why’s my flux capacitor still theoretical?” But believers are all in, with a petition circulating to make Hawking’s party an annual “Chrono-Con.” Future Elon, allegedly posting from a Martian colony, teased, “Steve’s the real deal. Wait till you see our next bash in the Andromeda Galaxy!”

Time Travel or Tall Tale?

As the quantum diary’s authenticity is debated, the world’s left grappling with a cosmic conundrum. Did Hawking really host a time traveler rager, or is this a posthumous joke to mess with our heads? Either way, if he’s out there chilling with Future Elon, the only thing traveling faster than light is Hawking’s legend.

Carla Espinosa is a satirist who’s now checking her calendar for an invite to the next chrono-party.